i probably shouldnt post this

i am the luckiest girl in the world,

but at the same time i am so accepting of pain.

i am the luckiest girl in the world for so many reasons.

i have found someone who loves me just like i love them, that is unbelievable to me.

i have the honor to go to college to make it on my own.

i have a future to look forward to, but thats sometimes hard to see when your stuck in the now. right now things dont feel so lucky.

when i come home for the holidays i dont know what to think. i have no father here, what are the holidays without your whole family. i come home and i sit on the couch and watch CSI, its like asking for pain. this couch is where i spent most of my time with my dad. where we talked, where we watched tv together ate pizza and just enjoyed being with each other.

this is the home my father built. and now he is nowhere near it. i never thought divorce would be this hard. i never knew it would make me feel like this. i never knew it would rip me apart like it is now. i didnt know pain like this was possible. i didnt know that the simple things could be so hard.

thats all i should probably write, if i wanna feel well at all tonight.