i probably shouldnt post this

i am the luckiest girl in the world,

but at the same time i am so accepting of pain.

i am the luckiest girl in the world for so many reasons.

i have found someone who loves me just like i love them, that is unbelievable to me.

i have the honor to go to college to make it on my own.

i have a future to look forward to, but thats sometimes hard to see when your stuck in the now. right now things dont feel so lucky.

when i come home for the holidays i dont know what to think. i have no father here, what are the holidays without your whole family. i come home and i sit on the couch and watch CSI, its like asking for pain. this couch is where i spent most of my time with my dad. where we talked, where we watched tv together ate pizza and just enjoyed being with each other.

this is the home my father built. and now he is nowhere near it. i never thought divorce would be this hard. i never knew it would make me feel like this. i never knew it would rip me apart like it is now. i didnt know pain like this was possible. i didnt know that the simple things could be so hard.

thats all i should probably write, if i wanna feel well at all tonight.

thanksgiving.

so there are ten minutes until thanksgiving. and if some of you dont know it yet, thanksgiving is and has always been my favorite holiday. but this year im seeing it in a whole new light.

alot of things will be different about this thanksgiving, and that means nothing will be the same..

tonight is the night before thanksgiving, and for years it has been known as "pie night" every year me my mom and her sister Valerie comes down to my moms house to make the pies before the big day. we get together and make pies and its been quite the tradition. we would laugh and make jokes and just enjoy eachothers company. but this year tonight has been different. my aunt val passed away a little over a month ago and pie night is nowhere near the same. its me my mom my moms best friend (aunt) cindy and my actual aunt deanna but it feels extremely lonely. that emptiness is here. tonight was different, instead of laughing we had crying and making pies just doesnt feel the same. everyone has different jobs this year and the whole thing is all messed up. but we are somehow getting through, our thoughts are with our aunt and we know she is here with us this year if even only in spirit. and the whole thing is thrown off.

and on the other hand this will be the first year to spend thanksgiving without my dad. my parents are in the middle of a divorce and he has moved out. im a little weirded out and it just feels a little strange. i keep thinking who is gonna sit at the head of our table this year? and who will say the prayer, whos lap will i sit on to eat pie and talk about how crazy everyone is and who will i nap with on the couch while watching football. its not gonna be easy tomorrow. its gonna be a hard day. im gonna be lonely without my dad, he is like my other half we always were the best to get along and i miss him so much when he isnt here, this house is no home without him. i hate the thought of him being in his appartment tomorrow all by himself on thanksgiving day. i cant stand to think of that, no one deserves to be alone on thanksgiving, especially a father who has children who love him. for the first time ever i wish thanksgiving was over before it even started.

happy thanksgiving,

pocket book bibles

i was walking to class this morning kinda running late for my 830 math class( why i signed up for an 830 math class is a question to me too) and as i crossed the cross walk i was greeted with a green pocket sized bible to have all to my own. i kept walking to class and flipped through the bible kinda just glad that i had it, there is nothing cooler then receiving a free bible.

but after class was the cool part. on my way back from my first two classes of my morning i was to cross paths with the bible hander outers again, and i was actually excited to see them again. and even though there was light rain falling they were still going strong. and this time as i passed them i carried my bible in hand, and thanked them for the book. to my advantage the crosswalk was screaming "wait" to us as it does many times a day and i got to talk to one of the men handing out the bibles, as he tried to hand me another bible i held mine up and said "you already made my day" he smiled and walked closer. i told him i had already read some of it waiting in beween classes and he asked me what i had read. i told him about how i had read issiah because i needed strength that morning and we discussed how great of a book that is. but this morning really reminded me how much God really is there with you placing people in your path you help brighten your day! because that 2 minute conversation with a stranger brightened my day, and i just thanked God for that special moment in my day! my isnt our God amazing?

faith

so i have really hit one of those times when you start to think about your faith and you really are teaching yourself to mold it and see what its really like. and how important to you it is, and im learning that its the only thing i need, but i also believe that i see God in a whole different light then a lot of other people do. i believe my God sees all people the same, and expects his followers to do the same, to not think of yourself as better to to help better others through the grace of God.

last night i went to a new church gathering with one of my friends, and going into it i was really excited. they sang great worship (which is my favorite part of church) and had some great people there. but as the pastor was speaking i didnt feel like he was hitting on God or christianity in the right way. i didnt feel like he paid it enough respect. at one point in his talk he was talking about how his friends who were not followers came up to him once and asked him "so now that you are a christian do you think you are better than us" and as soon as i heard this the answer in my head of what i expected him to say was "no" but as he went on he said "and in that moment i realized something, i realized that i am better than him, and i had to be honest with the guy so i said yes, i am better than you" and my mouth immediately dropped, and i leaned over to my friend and said " i do not like that at all" and i almost wanted to get up and leave i was so offended. we are taught as christians to not see things like that, we are all equal and thats how i see it. so i dont see myself going back to this church but i hope that they have a good understanding as to what they are showing the non-believers as they walk through their door. because i know there were some in there who were completely turned off to christianity by something like that, because i am a firm believer and was still turned off.

but as i sat there listening i kept repeating this in my head, my mom has had it hanging on our refrigerator forever and i thank her for that now....

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not shouting "I'm clean livin'."
I'm whispering "I was lost,
Now I'm found and forgiven."

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I don't speak of this with pride.
I'm confessing that I stumble
and need Christ to be my guide.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not trying to be strong.
I'm professing that I'm weak
And need His strength to carry on.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not bragging of success.
I'm admitting I have failed
And need God to clean my mess.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not claiming to be perfect,
My flaws are far too visible
But, God believes I am worth it.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I still feel the sting of pain.
I have my share of heartaches
So I call upon His name.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not holier than thou,
I'm just a simple sinner
Who received God's good grace, somehow!

because this is how i see it. being a christian doesnt make you better, or smarter, you just have undeniable strength.

the way things go!

oh what a week its been, for anyone willing to read this i promise this post will be worth your while (if the last one wasnt enough to keep you wondering how crazy my luck can actually get, maybe this one will keep you interested)

To start it all off i failed my calculus exam.awesome.

but as the week continued i didnt really expect anything to go very wrong, but i was wrong. Mainly its monday night that was the worst. my mom has been in texas visiting her friends and brother but called to let me know she would be coming home early because my aunt who has been sick for a while was in the hospital and that i should head up to go see her in the hospital so of course i look up directions and go. but little did i know that there are two integris hospitals. so i head to what i thnk is the right one only to be told my aunt was at the baptist integris after already making it there, so not having a computer or gps around i have to take directions from others who obviously knew there way around the city about as well as i do....fyi thats not very good! so they head me down western and tell me to get on I-240 and it will get e straight there. but by this time i have already been on the road for an hour and cant find the right hospital so i start taking directions from other people calling them on the phone wondering if they could possibly get me where i needed to go, so of course taking directions from 3 different people will obviously get confusing. so taking my last chance i head onto the highway but am informed that west is the wrong direction and that i need to be going west so i am headed to the next off ramp to get myself turned around but the wet roads get the best of little scooters (ny cars name) wheels and spin my car around 3 times and land me on the side of the road. This obviously makes me a little hysterical. and im freaking out that the people who pulled me over would be bad people cinsidering it was a good 10:30 at night my nerves were a little high and i didnt have my mace, so i roll my window down tell them what is up and luckily to mt advantage they are good people and help me get my car back on the road and let me follow tem to a gas station. once there i called my dad got no answer and then called matthew and he came to my rescue (which is amazing since i had NOOOO idea where i was). by the time he arrived it was after 11 and i followed him to the hospital to see my aunt, i may have been frazzled but i still wanted to see my aunt. so i finally arrived safely to the hospital (following matthew of course, not with my own great directions) and stayed at the hospital for about an hour and a half and returned home around 2:30 but got no sleep that night.

but tuesday brought some pretty great things too i suppose, my classes went great that morning (or at least as good as history class can get) but my trip home was not as awesome, i got stuck in the elevator and then had to head to work without eating lunch. Lunch was your usual work but someone unexpected came in to see me an that made me pretty happy to see a familiar face, especially since i didnt expect to see him. and he might even read this so sorry if this is creepy josh! just thought i would add you in my blog. and after work i headed back up to the city to see my family for dinner (i made my brother drive me of course since i was a little scared from the night before)

other randomness

-this week i have decided to not eat meat, being a vegetarian is a little difficult especially since i like meat so much. but it makes you feel good.

-i have enjoyed the rain this week

-i rode a stationary bike for 6 miles at the huff

-im still sticking to my potato salad with every meal(at the caf) streak

-and im trying to keep up with blogs!

later

lauren wimmer

well its has been quiet the day in Nompton.

the day started out with a nice 8:30 math class, always a great way to start out your day, and followed by my beloved english class.

 

Then the fun begins! later that day i head back to my room to take a nice nap to prepare myself for the weekend. Only to be waken up but the "ATTENTION. ATTENTION. THIS IS A REAL EMERGENCY PLEASE EVACUATE THE BUILDING" nothing like that to ruin your nap. so i head downstairs barefoot and in my pajamas thinking its just a drill like what we had a couple weeks ago. But oh no boy was a wrong!

The drill was real and i learned this as i started heading down the stairs because i could smell the smoke once i hit the 6th floor, so i immediately regretted not grabbing my shoes or sooner card. so me and my groggy self continued down the stairs then outside to watch smoke come from my dorm building with a few of my friends. time passes and of course i have to use the restroom so i run over to the huff to use their restroom (please note i am barefoot..GROSS) and come back to share a laugh with amanda and connor to see amanda has been pooped on by a bird. have to admit it was pretty hilarious. after we have been out there watching th firefighters "put the fire out". It had been about two hours at this time!

BUt not too long after ashley came to the rescue. offered me some extra shoes and to take me to cate to get some food. but right as we step to leave i get chosen as well, and have a little bird poop on my head (not so hilarious when it happens to you.) so i make connor get it out with a piece of paper and put it up in a ponytail so that no one will notice. 

luckily i finally get food in me thanks to ashley and we finally get to go back up to our rooms to realize they smell just like my grandmas house....smoke. not so great!

thats a day to remember!

always

lauren wimmer

happy october

well its been a bit since i have signed in here so i have to slap the back of my hand to keep myself faithful to this thing, i hope i  get the hang of it. 

anyway happy october, i really cant believe its already this time, but i am so excited to see the colors change and feel the crisp air come back to visit me! i am also really excited about getting to wear all my fun jackets and cardigans i just love them! but with cool air and jacket weather come the long awaited holidays. we already have a countdown going on in my dorm hallway, and to be quiet frank im not too excited about the holidays this year. its gonna be a year of change. my family has split and i really dont know what to expect. but we'll worry about that more when that time comes. 

so what have i been up to lately? well ya know the same ol' same ol'. just going to school studying and working. i know it sounds so exciting! well thats because it is my friend. but i know this post is gonna be totally pointless because i sat down to the computer with no intentions if writing. so sorry this is such a bore to read. 

i got a dehumidifier for my room the other day (snaps for Debby Burns! love her to death) and its a little bit loud, its gonna take some getting used to for that noise. but i can do it if it helps from keeping my room moist, i emptied it this morning and i swear there was a gallon of water in it, and i mean seriously where does all that water come from? thats what i wanna know. but oh well i guess i dont mind too much as long as its gone now. 

oh and i am soooooo excited for this weekend! were having a nice girls night this weekend with some cowboy boots , some hot tub, tasty snacks and some sweet girls! it should be an amazing time.

and thats not all im excited about. im actually going to visit my lovely friends of columbia missouri ina couple of weeks and i am totally jazzed about that! i cant wait to see the shining faces of como! but thats about all i got for you right now! so peace world keep growing!

lauren wimmer