faith

so i have really hit one of those times when you start to think about your faith and you really are teaching yourself to mold it and see what its really like. and how important to you it is, and im learning that its the only thing i need, but i also believe that i see God in a whole different light then a lot of other people do. i believe my God sees all people the same, and expects his followers to do the same, to not think of yourself as better to to help better others through the grace of God.

last night i went to a new church gathering with one of my friends, and going into it i was really excited. they sang great worship (which is my favorite part of church) and had some great people there. but as the pastor was speaking i didnt feel like he was hitting on God or christianity in the right way. i didnt feel like he paid it enough respect. at one point in his talk he was talking about how his friends who were not followers came up to him once and asked him "so now that you are a christian do you think you are better than us" and as soon as i heard this the answer in my head of what i expected him to say was "no" but as he went on he said "and in that moment i realized something, i realized that i am better than him, and i had to be honest with the guy so i said yes, i am better than you" and my mouth immediately dropped, and i leaned over to my friend and said " i do not like that at all" and i almost wanted to get up and leave i was so offended. we are taught as christians to not see things like that, we are all equal and thats how i see it. so i dont see myself going back to this church but i hope that they have a good understanding as to what they are showing the non-believers as they walk through their door. because i know there were some in there who were completely turned off to christianity by something like that, because i am a firm believer and was still turned off.

but as i sat there listening i kept repeating this in my head, my mom has had it hanging on our refrigerator forever and i thank her for that now....

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not shouting "I'm clean livin'."
I'm whispering "I was lost,
Now I'm found and forgiven."

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I don't speak of this with pride.
I'm confessing that I stumble
and need Christ to be my guide.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not trying to be strong.
I'm professing that I'm weak
And need His strength to carry on.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not bragging of success.
I'm admitting I have failed
And need God to clean my mess.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not claiming to be perfect,
My flaws are far too visible
But, God believes I am worth it.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I still feel the sting of pain.
I have my share of heartaches
So I call upon His name.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not holier than thou,
I'm just a simple sinner
Who received God's good grace, somehow!

because this is how i see it. being a christian doesnt make you better, or smarter, you just have undeniable strength.